Healing Through Connection

Anyone who knows me knows that I am relentless around challenging people to practice self care, to meet their needs and realize that this can exist in a balance with meeting other people’s needs not in exclusion of. Self care is vital to our functioning, our mental and physical health, our motivation, our happiness and our ability to have healthy relationships. In some areas, I feel that I’m killing it. I know what I have to give and I know that I need to recharge. I pride myself on no longer being a self sacrificer and the growth I’ve made.

However, I look back on the last few months and realize that I haven’t posted since November 16th on here, I haven’t painted since…I’m not actually sure when, my house is a disaster, I have books waiting to be read and my phone made sure to let me know that I haven’t done my 30 day challenge that I started on January 2nd since…well the 12th. I’m facing the stark realization that for the queen of “practice self care”, I have been pretty lousy at it lately.

This also all lines up with my daughter, the one with attachment struggles, beginning to fall apart at the end of October. I have felt exhausted and consumed by managing her decline and the effects of Covid that remove many of my opportunities to take a break from home and decompress. I also have fibromyalgia which when the weather is cold, or changes quickly and the days are shorter, lead to a lot of fatigue and pain. And…as I would say to anyone who walks in this room…those are all the reasons that I need to prioritize my self care, and to no longer allow them to be excuses.

I would make sure that the people in my life, weren’t allowing themselves to fall short of their own needs but somehow I have allowed myself to, despite knowing better. We cannot give what we don’t have and we can’t have anything if we don’t take anything in.

I also wonder how many of you reading this, maybe need the same reminder? I often tell my people that the moment you think you don’t have time for self care, is the time you need it the most. It is time to practice what I preach and I hope that this reminder can help recenter someone reading this as well.

What have you put aside? What goal, interest, hobby, break, pampering, social time, activity, etc have you put aside because you felt there wasn’t space for it? There has to be space for you and your needs in your life, so join me in getting back on track.

Grab a piece of paper and separate into two columns…

Start by identifying what are things that fill your tank, that give you energy, that you enjoy, that you want to accomplish/do. Some of these may be big events while others are things we forget to do in small moments. It may be hard at first, but I found my list grew quickly.

Then, what are the things that empty your tank, take your energy, lead you to feeling drained or your barriers to what you want to be doing.

—-

After you have filled this in, look at what fills your tank, and put a start by which of those things you have done in the past month. Now, circle the ones you’ve done in the past week….if yours looks like mine…you’ve got some serious work to do. I don’t have much for intentional action in the entire last month, let alone the past week…

So it’s time to figure out some action steps, not everything can be done all the time and trying to do too much often leads to doing nothing, so we start small.

What is 1-2 priorities from your fill the tank column that you can incorporate into today. For me, I am going to commit to reading instead of staring at my phone or watching T.V. when I get home and taking time to dance with my kids. They don’t have to take a long time, just an intentional choice you will make today to fill your tank.

Now look at each thing that empties you or is a barrier and identify one that threatens to get in the way of the priorities you just identified and decide on one thing you can do to protect yourself from or work on this. I am going to put my phone on my bedside table upstairs when I walk in the door (I have my smart watch so I will still know if there is something that needs my attention, without getting caught up in the mindless scrolling/playing/whatever) and to share my priorities with my husband so he helps hold me accountable. I’m also going to start when I walk in the door rather than waiting for later because I know that my fatigue can hit like a freight train.

Once you make it through today, tackle tomorrow in a similar way. We don’t have to say from now on, every day, I will do this, that or other, but what choice can you make in this moment, right now? As a final step, I want you to prioritize one more thing on the list that is a bigger goal/need and just start to think about what the first step may be to getting there. Put that goal somewhere you’ll remember to look at it and allow it to be something on your mind rather than in the background. You’d be surprised how the steps just start happening when we don’t allow ourselves to “forget” what we want for ourselves.

We can’t just tell others they are important to take care of themselves, we have to walk the walk also. Feel free to share yours here, email me, text me or reach out to someone else and share. When we invite others into our journey, it is easier to hold ourselves accountable 🙂 🙂