One of my people said an incredibly insightful thing two weeks ago that I have continued to hold onto.
“I realized that I need to finally let go of control of all the things I never really had control over anyway.”
How much do we try to grasp at control over other’s actions, happiness or how they treat us? Feeling that if we just say or do the right thing, or if we would have, things will/would be better? What happens when we step back and begin to care for ourselves and quit holding ourselves responsible for the things we can’t actually control?
We certainly influence the people in our lives and the world around us but that does not make us responsible for the choices they make.
If I were to walk in the door cussing and screaming at my husband, and he were to cuss and scream back, I would hold myself responsible for his reaction. However, he could also go “yikes honey, looks like you’ve had a rough day, what do you need?” Or a million other options. I dont choose his reaction. I can (and need to) own that the way I entered the house was not a great option or the most likely way to get my needs met and was likely hurtful. And, how he responds would be on him.
We walk on eggshells all the time with people in our life and blame ourselves if things go wrong. One of my other people shared that their sibling passed along a “helpful blog” that basically tasked the listener with knowing all of their partner’s triggers and never touching those triggers. Sure, we want to be mindful and respectful, and that person is also responsible for healing and working on those triggers. We can’t rely on ourselves to manage their reactions, we will fail every time.
What can you let go of that you never actually had control over?